Reclaim Your Power!

I think that sometimes we must experience the deepest misery in order to give birth to a renewed self. Self-renewal is not a concept that has merely been promoted during the past couple of decades, when the self-improvement industry has overwhelmed the world with a plethora of books and audio programs that have been both worshipped and ridiculed. Renewal of ourselves—of our souls, our bodies, our minds, and our spirits—is a concept that dates back to both the Bible and the ancient philosophers of the past. German author extraordinaire Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once said, “We must always change, renew, rejuvenate ourselves; otherwise we harden.”

In a way, I think that life attempts to force us to renew ourselves when we rebel against the idea of doing so.  Why doesn’t it occur to us when we experience the tempests that overwhelm our spirit that if we but hold on and ride out the storm we may well sail more smoothly than we ever have before? At the moment when our souls seem to be screaming in pain, we have the ability to either fight the turbulence or to find a way to use that tidal wave of grief, depression, and/or unhappiness to rediscover ourselves. You can either reclaim your power or you can give it away to those people or circumstances who attempt to take it from you. Unhappiness is, in many ways, a circumstance. It can also be a choice.

I know I have a reputation of being somewhat controversial in many of the ideas I share and promote. But I want you to stop for one second and see if I may not be onto something here. If we have the ability to choose our thoughts and we’re feeling unhappy, is it not possible that we are making a choice to be unhappy? Don’t be upset with me if I’m rocking your boat or turning your world upside-down.

I was recently told by a friend who is a Carl Jung devotee that she is uncertain that we choose our thoughts at all. Well, being a deeply inquisitive person by nature, I couldn’t help wondering . . . if we don’t choose our own thoughts, who or what is choosing them for us? Is it a reincarnation of us? Or is some unseen force putting various thoughts in our head at random? And, if you think any of these scenarios is a possibility, I must ask you this:  how will you ever be able to take control of your own life? If you don’t possess the power to control your thoughts, then you must not have the power to control your actions. Thus, you are at the mercy of a mysterious “fate” . . . or of  The Fates . . . or of mere chance . . . or of other people and unforeseen and unexpected circumstances.

For me, the idea that I do not have control over the thoughts that enter my mind is unacceptable. But hey, if you want to believe that somebody else is putting those thoughts in your mind, that’s obviously your prerogative. However, I do question whether or not you will ever be able to design a life worth living. I also think that reclaiming your power won’t be possible since you are already giving away a large portion of it to unseen forces and random events. But still, the choice is yours.

When I think about circumstances, I tend to remember the words of the witty and brilliant playwright and author, George Bernard Shaw. How do you like this quotation? “People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, make them.”
I realize that it is much easier for us to lie to ourselves and blame other people, past experiences, and events in our lives for the fact that we are miserable, unsuccessful, and/or unfulfilled. But what possible benefit comes from not accepting responsibility for ourselves? I don’t know how it would work for you, but taking ownership of my life has given me more strength and power than I have ever experienced before.

One of the first steps in reclaiming your personal power is letting go of your dependence on the approval and acceptance of other people. In my opinion, this may be the hardest accomplishment of all, and yet I suspect it’s the most crucial. The world really is made up of a lot of foolish and ignorant people, and, if you allow these people to mold your thoughts, your actions, and your decisions, you will be living someone else’s life instead of your own. People actually choose to remain ignorant of that which they do not choose to understand. Such manipulation has been used by those in power for centuries, and, even now, conformity is encouraged as opposed to seeking knowledge and forming our own individual views and opinions. If the opinions of others are more important to you than truth and wisdom, then you will find yourself receiving the approval of others yet living without the approval of yourself. Makes sense, doesn’t it?

What saddens me a bit is that nearly everyone has the power within himself or herself to transform his/her life and to create an authentic self that he/she is content with. However, many people get into the habit of giving their power away and/or denying that they have it in the first place. Thus, after a while the power seems to diminish and, at least, that little spark of energy is lost amid the ashes of conformity and mediocrity.

Although, the legendary phoenix bird rose from the ashes, it is very hard to resurrect your spirit and soul from a heap of what is essentially dust. Do your realize that, in a way, those who are living the lives that others tell them they should be living are already half-dead? They are only one step away from being cremated, and, rather than living freely outside of a box, they are enclosed in a vase of their own ashes. Have you allowed the divine essence of you to be turned into ashes?  If you have, would you prefer to continue to exist only partially from now on ? Or do you think you might consider taking a lesson from the phoenix bird who resurrected itself from its own ashes? It’s your call, and I suspect you know that.

I enjoy reading philosophy, as you might have gathered, and I have noticed that some of the concepts that philosophers promote are antithetical to the very idea that any of us can achieve happiness. I both agree and disagree with this theory. I don’t think that happiness can be achieved. Rather, I think it is a choice. I did caution you that you might not like what I was going to be telling you. The situation is, I would prefer to upset those reading this blog post than to compromise myself by not sharing my true beliefs.

While I was nursing my mother through advanced stage ovarian cancer, I happened to pick up a book by Barry Neil Kaufman called Happiness is a Choice. If you wish to stop reading this article now, go right ahead. I promise I won’t morph myself into some familiar spirit and try to cause chaos in what is undoubtedly already a rather miserable life.  Whether or not you subscribe to any of my ideas is  your choice alone. At the same time, if you wish to be challenged to examine your life and your vantage point towards life, you might want to keep on reading.

Barry Neil Kaufman’s book is not for those who wish to remain in their comfort zone. At one point, he actually is straightforward enough to say, “We become our beliefs. We get stuck in our heads.” He even suggests that we do not have to be miserable to be intelligent. Now, this will come as a blow to the intellectuals who believe that faith and hope are only possibilities within the minds of those who do not “understand” life. If we want to be “smart,” we are told that we must be atheists and existentialists. Science transforms faith into merely “wishful thinking”, and those who reason are supposed to see that hope, rather than being “that thing with feathers that perches in the soul” (as Emily Dickinson so eloquently put it), is on the same par with God, whom I recently heard referred to as “the pixie in the sky”.

So, what are we left with? If there is no God and we don’t have power over ourselves, who does have all the power? Could it be the politicians? But, wait, being human, like us, they wouldn’t have the power to control their thoughts, either. Goodness, I really don’t know who has all the power on this planet, but I am suspecting it could be Santa and his crew of frisky elves. No wonder people do all they can to convince children that there is no Santa Claus. If the truth came out, where would any of us be? Speaking of Santa, I think that December is the ideal month for us to be examining all these things since it’s the last month of the year and so many people like the idea of making New Year’s resolutions.

I have just one quick question about those resolutions: what happens between now and the first day of January? If you wait until then to reclaim your power, won’t you have a few extra pounds to lose and a few more unwise choices to bounce back from? I realize that we’re nearing the end of December, and many of you probably don’t think a few days of letting other people and outside forces control you could possibly do much harm. However, if Santa has all the power in the world, won’t he be at the height of his power on December 25? If so, it seems that reclaiming your power right now might be the smartest move on your part.

Even though many of us have a habit of putting off what should be done today until tomorrow . . . or next week . . . or  next year, I tend to think that taking action now is still the best policy. I was listening to portions of Jim Rohn’s audio program, “The Art of Exceptional Living” over the weekend, and he says that a combination of faith and action is what will give us a life that is fulfilling and satisfying. Yes, I realize that the word, “faith,” is going to make  you cringe if you’re an atheist and/or an existentialist, but if you convert the concept of faith in a God or a “Higher Power” to faith in yourself, I think it still works out. 

As I said before, I’m not here to “fix” your life. Even if I wanted to do that, I wouldn’t be able to for we are the only ones who can “fix” ourselves. If our wounds require stitches, we are the ones who must make a choice to get those stitches. And this is true whether we are speaking of physical wounds or psychological injuries. Applying bandages is not what I’m here for. If you want bandages, you’ll have to fetch some from the store and apply them yourself.

I’m here to offer you my thoughts and ideas, and you make the decision as to whether or not you’re open to receiving them. It’s sort of like a spiritual conversion, in many ways. When someone converts to Christianity, for instance, they make a choice to do so. God doesn’t tap them on the shoulder and whisper in their ear, “Believe in me.” Nope. He has better ways to spend His time. And even though I’m not comparing myself to God or even a goddess (all right, I’ll admit that is a beguiling idea, and I recently blushed to my heart’s content when someone referred to me as “The Goddess of Facebook”), I also have better things to do than to ask you to believe what I’m saying. As Barry Neil Kaufman so aptly points out, “No one can be inside our heads pulling our strings. We do that for ourselves.” To me, this is encouraging news as the idea of some invisible puppeteer pulling my strings for me makes me feel like I’m nothing more than a wooden marionette.

What I do have time to do is to challenge you to think through the beliefs and thoughts you are holding in your head right now. Which ones were adopted by you from other people and outside sources? If you had spent all of your life on a deserted island out in the middle of nowhere, how many of the thoughts that you are currently subscribing to right now would have ever entered your mind in the first place? You understand my point, I’m sure. In order to reclaim your power, you’ve got to be willing to be honest with yourself. Even if you lie to everyone else, the one person you need to be completely honest with is you. Are you willing to do it? Is reclaiming your power worth it to you?  Food for thought, is it  not?

Until soon. . .Live Without Limits, SuccessDiva style!

Your SuccessDiva

I dedicate this blog post to my friend, Kate Anderson, who has given me the support I have needed to reclaim my own power. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, beautiful Kate. ~your Diva

This page and all written material at the SuccessDiva pages is written by Alexis Wingate. All Rights are reserved. (C) Copyright by Alexis Wingate. The SuccessDiva


  1. Anne Guillemette said,

    December 21, 2009 at 2:34 pm

    Wonderful and very wise Alexis. Thank you for sharing. I agree with you on your ideas. And I think that sometimes it takes courage and honesty to admit our responsability for our life. But when we take responsability we make the garden of our life bloom of its most beautiful flowers. Annexxxoooo

    • successdiva said,

      December 21, 2009 at 3:22 pm

      Anne, thank you for the words of positive encouragement and heartfelt appreciation. You are right–it does take both courage and honesty to take full responsibility for our lives. And sometimes discarding the veil of self-deceit is a very difficult task indeed. Yet, we have to be 100% honest with ourselves in order to view our lives in the clear and discerning way that would enable us to make effective changes. Is it not so?? One again, many thanks to you!! Love and blessings, Alexis xxxoooo

  2. Yannie Cruz said,

    December 21, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    Thank you very much Alexis this is a tremendous message for so many people…. you are an Angel. xox

    • successdiva said,

      December 21, 2009 at 3:22 pm

      Yannie, your words of admiration mean so much to me! Many, many thanks to you, my beautiful friend. Love and blessings, Alexis xox

  3. Jill Trear said,

    December 21, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    Thank you Alexis……What I truly appreciate here is the love and reaching out for dialogue, encouragement, support, and openness. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and stimulating my own. This was a perfect read for me this morning. You are very much appreciated. Love to you

    • successdiva said,

      December 21, 2009 at 3:23 pm

      Jill, I can tell how much you value and appreciate my SuccessDiva work and that means a great deal to me. Thank you. I’m delighted that this was such an ideal read for you this morning! May your day be graced with joy! Love to you as well, Alexis

  4. Scot Conway said,

    December 21, 2009 at 3:25 pm

    We absolutely have the power to choose.

    Many people may not feel like it because they wait for circumstances to act upon them. But we can also be proactive and act upon circumstances.

    Certainly it is true that we sometimes stay awake at night, unable to turn our brains off when some chain of thoughts intrude – but that does not mean he do not have power, it simply means that in our deepest core, we have an issue with which our mind wrestles. Once we resolve it – or get tired enough – then we can sleep.

    We have more power than we think. We do not fear that we are weak – we fear that we may be more powerful than we imagine – and it is taking responsibility for such power that is the most important task for our renewal.

    • successdiva said,

      December 21, 2009 at 4:15 pm

      Scot, your words resonate deep within my soul. Yes, we can be proactive and in order to design the lives of our dreams, we must be. I do find it difficult to turn my brain off at times. . .and yes, I have trouble sleeping some nights. In regard to being more powerful than we are willing to acknowledge that we are, there’s no doubt that’s true. I know this may sound harsh, but I honestly think that there are those who would rather complain about what they think they can’t change than to accept their power to change things because then they would run out of excuses. I hope I’m making sense. I am in need of rest now and I’m not as eloquent as I would desire to be. However, what you say about our taking responsibility for our power also connects to us taking responsibility for our gifts and capabilities. I am still only at the beginning of my journey of personal discovery, but I do know that I have not been giving myself persmission to use my gifts in the way that I have most wanted to. As I said in “Reclaim Your Power,” the desire for the approval of others at the expense of our own approval of ourselves hampers us infinitely. I have been coping with this issue for nearly all of my life, and it remain something I’m working through. Life is a learning process, and the more mistakes we make the greater our changes of acquiring wisdom is. Thank you so much for your valuable and comprehensive comments. You are a jewel, Scot. Love and blessings always, Alexis

      • Scot Conway said,

        December 21, 2009 at 5:05 pm

        Dawn and I had a conversation that other day as it struck her: Most of the people that have known her longer than two years have a negative opinion of her. Basically, most of the people from her old days, her depressed days, from previous churches, family….

        I asked a simple question: Is it also true that the people that have a negative opinion of YOU have a negative opinion of MOST things?

        Her mind raced through all of them in a flash. She realized that the vast majority of people who have a negative opinion of her DO have a negative opinion about most things!!!

        For me, I concern myself with the opinions of a handful of people. If they are upbeat, insightful, and generally positive – and they have a negative opinion of me – I want to know why. Then I’ll judge for myself whether the reason for their criticism warrants change or not. Sometimes yes, often no.

        But for people who are generally negative – OF COURSE they will be negative about me most of the time. They are negative in general. I do not give much stock to their opinions or feelings about me. I’ll listen if they have something concrete, though.

        The Bible say “Count it pure joy when you encounter many kinds of trials.” If you pull the rest of the passage together, you realize that this is the path to wisdom: “A never ending series of problems of ever increasing difficulty and complexity for us to solve.”

        It’s an amazing journey. I am blessed that you are a part of mine.

  5. Stephen Burn said,

    December 21, 2009 at 4:22 pm

    Dear Alexis,

    Well I found this to be all true and it made me think you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. So will this make many changes I don’t think so but one life redeemed from the so to speak fires of hell is worth the effort. One thing that is interesting is that my Grandmother was born next to Emily Dickenson’s house and although Emily was already in sprit she was friends with Emily’s brother Austyn. Now that did not help her one bit in fact she was hell on wheels having to do with watching her mother burn to death caused by a spark from a kitchen wood stove catching her apron on fire and then her whole self. And it could have to do with the fact that her family were the founders of Amhurst very prominent citizens of Amhurst. Or it could be that her fathers name to one and all was The Boss even me my mother and my grandmother. So wealth and prominence does have an effect on one’s attitude but does not have to be the end or be all. Circumstances in the beginning of our lives have a big say in who we become because from pre-natal to 6 or so we are sort of wide open and just writting to our sub consious everything we take in or our experiance and our sub consious is what we use in the present as our pea brain conscious mind is only considering the past or the future. Now that does present some problems as the writing of the sub consious is almost impossible to change as it is sort of hard wired but new quantum physics modalities have discovered a way to change this almost inpeneratible subconscious very quickly and that is what happened to me just recently.

    My life was extremly misarble from start to the recent present and after searching for some diffrent ways for years I went through one of the quantum physics modalitis and boy did I ever change. Leading up to that from my twenties till recently I was on some sort of anti depresent or other which is truly only a band aid and makes one feel bad in all kinds of other ways sure you can operate in the world and even be succesfull but you are never truly yourself with these medications and it causes all kinds of unatural effects in your daily life. I am willing to share my journey if you want I’d be glad too because now I believe science has come up with non invasive ways to cure and I am sure it could relieve millions even empty the prisons by and large. If I misspell a lot if is becuse I never passed a year of school, (13 diffrent shools in all) in my life but became a Telecommunications Engineer, was a crew chief on a small cesena airplane, a french interpreter in the Army in France and a few other things. So I was not per say uncessfull in my life except for two failed marriges and the loss of two children and there families much to my regret. Lets just say that I have never been able to experiance love although FB and a few of my friends there do give me a lot of love including you so I am beginning to experiance love on certain levels and I have made a very few good friends in my personal life and they also give me a lot of love as I figure out how to live my life properly and with an edit you have my permission to use all of what I have told you. Never been stupid just confused about this world we live in. But I have tons of street experiance as they say. You have my email address and in the URI I will post my phone number but if it does not have a name attached that I recognice I will not answer as I have aquired quit a debt so I just don’t answer cause all they do is try and strong arm me and create fear to get what they want. Another thing I have done is cut off my satelite dish because the lies they tell and the advertising make me sick. So except for my few friends I have cut myself off to study what is going on in our crazy world and I have been at it for some years that is how I made my way to FB to express myself which still needs a lot of honing. To express my self would have frozen me up just a short time ago. Right now I am sitting here with $32 to my name and am expecting checks in the mail with 20 inches of snow on the ground which will be slower than they would have been without the snow. I hope this is helpful to you! Stephen Burn

    • successdiva said,

      December 21, 2009 at 6:08 pm

      Stephen, wow. I am honored that you have been willing to communicate with me so honestly. I would love for you to share your journey with me. I am running short on time this afternoon, but I want to respond in-depth to this comments as soon as I can, which will probably be tomorrow. I can completely understand your desire to cut yourself off from studying what is going on in our crazy and chaotic universe. It brings me such joy that you have let me into your life. Thank you, my dear friend. As I said, I will write more later. Lots of love and blessings always, Alexis xoxo

  6. Kalina "Kitten" McCreery said,

    December 21, 2009 at 5:48 pm


    Thank you for sharing this. As you well know this year has been harder for me than most. (And by that I mean most of my years, not harder on me than most people.) It is very easy to sit back and be overwhelmed by it all and want to hide under a rock. And, admittedly, I think hiding under a rock for a while can be a good thing. Sometimes it is good to take the time to devote all of your energy to yourself for a bit.

    But, the hard part come when I have to come out from under that rock. And let’s face it , everyone eventually has to come out. Emotionally, it is easier to hide. But hiding doesn’t pay the bills, buy the groceries, or get the much needed human contact to spark the soul and help to rebuild.

    In all of this- well, I think we have control over what we think. But we may not have control over what we feel. That said, I think we do have control over how we react to those feelings. When I am feeling empty and unaccomplished (is that even a word?) I have a choice. I can wallow in those feelings, I can blame the circumstances and events of my life, I can think that I am worthless and useless. Or, I can take responsibility. I can pick myself up by my bootstraps and make efforts to change the circumstances in my life that lend to me feeling empty and what not. I can’t expect anyone else to take responsibility for these things.

    It is all connected. The things I think, the things I feel, the things I do…
    There will always be things that happen which I can’t control. There will be things I must endure in which I have no choice.
    But I can choose how I let them effect me and how long I let those effects continue.
    There will be times that I make poor choices.
    But I have to own the fact that did indeed, make those choices on my own.

    Again, thank you for sharing this. I think I have been under my rock a little too long of late. This has reminded me that it is time for me to choose to be more responsible, more pro-active and more determined.

    *love and light*


  7. Jacqueline Greene said,

    December 21, 2009 at 5:58 pm

    Your blog is truely amazing. I thought I didn’t have the choice to choose as much as I thought. I ‘am the only one with the power to choose and after reading your post It has enlightened me alot. Thank you.

    • successdiva said,

      December 21, 2009 at 6:10 pm

      Jacqueline, thank you so much for your words of sincere appreciation. You are such a genuine person and I am blessed that you have come into my life. Yes, you are the only one with the power to choose. You can transform your life–remarkable and extraordinary You. So, here’s to a Life Without Limits, SuccessDiva style!! We will be in touch. Love, Alexis

  8. Maria Gudalupe Arce Aleman said,

    December 21, 2009 at 7:15 pm

    My precious friend Alexis: I have read your blog slowly & thoughtfully & found it of ‘high value content’. In particular it catched my focus when you say that “”””we can either reclaim our power or we can give it away to those people or circumstances who attempt to take it from us. Unhappiness is, in many ways, a circumstance. It can also be a choice.”””
    As for me: I will stay in tune with this during my whole life, I thinkI am going to need to carry this thought in my mind. I will take any chance to re-read this blog and I end up saying: I reclaim my Power, every time in any circumstance. I am so blessed to be part of Successdiva & recieve this powerful message. !!! A Great Blessing to me!!! God may shower you higher blessings on your way!!!! Love you my friend, you are such a special friend, keep the great work & may you be rewarded with unique blessings!!!

    • successdiva said,

      December 22, 2009 at 1:28 am

      Guadalupe, thank you my beautiful and precious friend. It means a great deal to hear you speak of my blog as having a “high value content.” And may you always remember to stay in touch with the message about Reclaiming Your Power. It is yours, Guadalupe, and it is always there. . . .you simply must trust yourself enough to tap into it. Thank you for the wondrous blessings you have showered upon me in God’s name!!! Love to you also, my dearest Guadalupe, and thank you again for your words of sincere appreciation and deep respect.
      Blessings & love in abundance, Alexis

  9. Dennis Booth said,

    December 21, 2009 at 8:32 pm

    You know there is a statement there in which it says we can decide to make ourselves unhappy. That is the systemic stem of all this. What we decide with our minds is a trigger for better or worse. As a Christian I believe that our choices are determined by what we are thinking or think. And Alexis never worry about being controversial…so was Jesus!

    • successdiva said,

      December 22, 2009 at 1:45 am

      Dennis, yes, I do believe that we can make conscious choices as to which emotions we decide to experience. The mind is very powerful, and it is oftentimes just our fear and our self-doubt, in addition to learned patterns of destructive behavior, that is holding us back. You make a good point about Jesis, Dennis–yes, indeed He was controversial. Was He not?
      Love and blessings, Alexis

  10. James L. Giles said,

    December 22, 2009 at 1:09 am

    Dear Alexis,

    Thank you for the opportunity to read your trenchant, provocative, and astute ideas. Seven years of battling with an undiagnosed illness, seeing fourteen doctors on two coasts, and being presented with one after another gloomy, hopeless prognosis qualifies me to weigh in here. I won’t belabor the point but suffice it to say that I am unequivocally convinced that we choose our thoughts and that those thought in turn absolutely determine our quality of life. Throughout my ordeal I drew upon my spiritual belief in the Law of Life and health. Medical science has demonstrated that endorphins aid the body is restoring itself to health and well-being. It is also known that negative thoughts and emotional states cause the body to release stress inducing chemicals that hinder the body’s natural healing powers and properties.

    Words and thoughts are nuclear energy. Nuclear energy, according science, is a million times more powerful than chemical energy. Light medicine and energy medicine are taking us into realms of wisdom and understanding held by the ancient Vedic Indians and the Egyptians. I believe we are still in infancy in terms of understanding the creative force of words and thoughts.

    Alexis, your thesis is clear, cogent, compelling, inspiring, and transformative for all those who will read it with an open mind willing to grapple with ideas they possibly have never heard before. I do not believe we are on this spiritual journey to live lives of misery and unfulfillment. However, the universe, including the micro-universe we each are, is governed by law. As we grow in our understanding and mastery of these laws we begin to experience Life as the divine unfoldment is is intended to be. Thank you Crown Jewel. Continue to fearlessly provoke humanity to think and be willing to abandon limiting thought paradigms and habits and embrace the divine possibilities that exist for us all!


    James L. Giles

    • successdiva said,

      December 22, 2009 at 2:54 am

      James, I shall respond to your remarks in more detail tomorrow. However, I didn’t want to wait to thank you for sharing both your words of appreciation and details of your own personal journey. You are a remarkable individaul and such a blessing to have in my life. Love, Alexis

  11. Flower said,

    December 22, 2009 at 2:29 am

    Hi Alexis,
    I have read your blogg and I must say, I respectfully disagree with you! 🙂

    To me, you make a statement and then jump to the wrong conclusions. For instance:
    “I was recently told by a friend who is a Carl Jung devotee that she is uncertain that we choose our thoughts at all. Well, being a deeply inquisitive person by nature, I couldn’t help wondering . . . if we don’t choose our own thoughts, who or what is choosing them for us? Is it a reincarnation of us? Or is some unseen force putting various thoughts in our head at random? And, if you think any of these scenarios is a possibility, I must ask you this: how will you ever be able to take control of your own life? If you don’t possess the power to control your thoughts, then you must not have the power to control your actions. Thus, you are at the mercy of a mysterious “fate” . . . or of The Fates . . . or of mere chance . . . or of other people and unforeseen and unexpected circumstances.”

    When you say that we choose our own thoughts, you are actually saying that we are in full control of all that we are, which is not true!

    You can get a feeling, a reaction which gives you a thought. That feeling can very well have come from the subconscious and that you do not control. What you can be able to control, is if you want to react to the feeling, when you get strong enough to not identify yourself with your feelings or thoughts. The observer in you, in lack of better words, can make that choice.

    So therefore you are NOT let down to all them things you mention! You are not at the mercy of something strange or whatever you call it.

    The more you learn to observe, instead of suppress as “just a negative thought or feeling, I do not want to have in my life”, the more you learn about yourself and the built-in pattern you have, and the better chance you have of changing it.

    You do not heal anything by control and avoiding whats inside of you!
    – Having said that does not mean that you have to act out all your thoughts and feelings, but embrace them. Have a dialogue with them, find out where they come from, comfort the side in you which has been believing in them and who is in pain because of them. If you just avoid them, then you actually avoid this side of you and therefore you will never become a whole person.

    I hope you will give this some thought and know it has positive intentions.


    • successdiva said,

      December 22, 2009 at 2:56 am

      Flower, thank you for being so respectful of me and my opinions. I do not mind your disagreeing with me at all. When I am next up and about, I will address the issues you bring up in relation to Carl Jung in more detail. In the meantime, I must express my appreciation to you for sharing your personal views and opinions with me. You are an intelligent lady and a good friend, and I value your input very much indeed. Love and hugs, Alexis

  12. Moira said,

    December 22, 2009 at 7:01 am

    Dear Alexis
    Thank you for posting this wonderful thought provoking blog.
    I also enjoy so much reading the other comments that have been posted.. I truly believe that we all choose our own path but others can intentionally or perhaps unintentionally influence our lives as I know only too well.
    I wish right now I had more time to write more to this comment but unfortunately I do not.
    I wish you Alexis and everyone on your blog a wonderful Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year.
    Thank you for your friendship Alexis and also for giving me thought provoking material to aid my own personal recovery journey.

    Happy Holidays to you all

    Moira xx

  13. December 22, 2009 at 7:49 am

    Hi Alexis,

    Have you opened a “Pandora’s Box” or haven’t you? Herewith my two-bits worth…

    God often allows adversity to lead us to maturity. He created mankind with a free will to choose. Regardless external influences, we have the choice of how to respond. The devil may tempt us with a thought, but we have the choice to accept or reject it. Furthermore, the human soul is very fruitful and imaginative, therefore not all negativity can be blamed on the devil or other people. We are often the architects of our own demise. To deny this absolves us of all blame and negates the necessity of a Savior–Jesus Christ.

    Romans 12:2 (NKJV) reads: And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind , that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

    Our minds cannot be renewed unless we have a free will, do so by choice, and thus control our thought processes–focused on Jesus Christ.

    Blessings to you and yours!


  14. Anna said,

    December 22, 2009 at 1:01 pm

    As always, a joy and pleasure to read your insights. Thank you for all the healing work you are doing and sharing angel Alexis.

    In reply to Flower, although I do agree with you , I like to give my two cents as well. If we have the knowledge of choice, we are actually in full control of all that we are. We are not our feelings, or our body. We are, like you correctly said, the observer.

    Quantum physics and other scientific studies is now confirming what ancient philosophers and spiritual masters have taught us.

    By our thoughts, we create the world. Due to the desire for power and control from the “powers to be”, be it media or religion ( different branches of the same “power elite”) we are made to believe we are powerless, and the outside world has more power then our internal world. This is simply not true. But this is also why the world is in such disarray, why there is so much division, suffering, fear and violence. It is time we realize that WE are the creators of our reality, and it is time to take our own individual power back.
    Most people go on auto-pilot, and respond to emotions and outside influences without being aware of having the choice of choice. 🙂 We can easily, with some training, become the observer, and change both our perception and experience of any event or situation.

    Even in the teachings of Jesus and Buddha, this is told, although especially in the religion of Christianity the translation of the teachings has been warped and distorted.

    We either create our world, or we allow the world to create us.

    Much love to everyone, and happy happy holidays!!

    • successdiva said,

      December 29, 2009 at 10:35 am

      My dearest Anna, I appreciate your wonderful and comprehensive comments about my article, “Reclaim Your Power.” Thank you for your praise in regard to all of the healing work I do. I always welcome insightful feedback and yours is exactly the type of response I cherish. I agree wholeheartedly with what you say about us being made (or I should say brainwashed) into believing that we are powerless. If we examine what Eckhart Tolle who wrote _The Power of Now_ says about the state of chaos and disarray that the world is in, we understand that it is actually collective unconsciouness (i.e., “insanity”) that causes people to give away their power to others and not to accept full responsibility for creating their own reality. Indeed, many (if not most) people do go on “auto-polit,” and rather than consciously responding to the events that take place in their lives in an effective way, they react unconsciously, thereby bringing misery and unhappiness in their lives. We MUST take back our individual power in order to ever experience self-fulfillment on any level. And, yes, the teachings of Christianity and other religions have been greatly warped, distorted, and misused. I would like to address more of what you speak of, Anna, but I didn’t want any more time to pass without thanking you for your remarks and addressing at least some of the issues you brought up. Much love always, Alexis

  15. Armina said,

    December 22, 2009 at 5:15 pm

    Dear Alexis,

    Thank you for this new inspiring article!
    I do believe we are given the “free-will” and it’s up to us how to use it properly. Most of the time, unhappiness depends on the circumstances around us, but we can chose to be affected by those circumstances and be unhappy, or chose to be happy despite the negative circumstances in our lives.

    Looking forward to your next article…


    • successdiva said,

      December 23, 2009 at 5:42 pm

      Armina, yes, indeed we were given free will and we are the ones who must make the choices as to how we will use it. Although the circumstances around us may be painful and miserable, how we respond to them can actually have a more significant impact on our lives on a long-term basis than the circumstances themselves have. When you see one woman who is raped and reacts to that experience by taking her own life and another woman who, after being raped, decides to devote herself to helping other rape victims, you realize how true it is that we have complete control over how we react or respond to anything that happens to us. Your words of praise always mean so much to me, my dear Armina! Thank you for always supporting me with sincerity and unconditional love. You are a remarkable woman, and I’m honored to know you. Love, Alexis

  16. g@rp said,

    December 22, 2009 at 5:29 pm

    Dear Alexis,
    You know that my comment will be short, because of a lack of vocabulary to express what I felt while reading your post.
    But, I’sure that you know that what I’m thinking of renewing myself as often as I can. It can makes miracles and opens up your mind. And by the way, it gives you an extra strength than you can…share !
    So, and using, with a little distorsion, a sentence of one of my favorites writer :
    Be the same thing, only different.
    Many, many thanks for your neverending power, Alexis.

    • successdiva said,

      December 23, 2009 at 5:39 pm

      Christian, it is the sincerity behind a person’s words that matter to me–the quality is much more important than the quantity. Thank you so much for your encouragement, and your words of appreciation in regard to my SuccessDiva work. Needless to say, to have the esteem and respect of a person whom I have such a high regard for touches me deeply. I am glad to hear that you are thinking of renewing yourself often, for the process of self-renewal is very liberating and opens up the possibility for miracles to happen. And as you and both know, miracles can and do happen as long as we believe that they can. Your support means a great deal to me, my dear Christian. . .and once again, thank you! Blessings & love, Alexis

  17. Jim Purdy said,

    December 24, 2009 at 3:57 am

    Thank you Alexis, some very profound thoughts put forth, one has to agree with them to lead & have a successful life!

    Have a wonderful Holiday season!
    Huggzz’z & Love,

    • successdiva said,

      January 7, 2010 at 4:56 am

      Jim, I am immensely pleaased that you find my thoughts to be profound. That is a marvelous compliment, and I know I can always count on you to support me and my SuccessDiva work. Thank you for your love and friendship as well as for your lasting encouragement. Hugs and love, Alexis

  18. Iain Martin said,

    December 24, 2009 at 3:25 pm

    Alexis, I like where you’re going with this particular entry and, although with the results of subliminal advertising being pretty conclusive that we don’t choose what enters our minds in the way of thoughts, we do choose which thoughts we allow to remain.

    I look forward to future conversations.

  19. leschas said,

    December 25, 2009 at 2:50 pm

    If only we could grasp the power that lies between our ears. If only we better understood the connection between choice and outcome (or consequence)! Thanks for your energy and insight, Alexis. Self-development, as you say, is a daily effort (and habit) that gets easier every time we put it into play. What we have learned, we can unlearn and relearn. And the biggest joy of all is to keep on learning. You and I are living proof of that. – Leslie Charles

    • successdiva said,

      January 7, 2010 at 4:54 am

      Leslie, you know how much I admire and respect you, and I am honored by your positive comments about my SuccessDiva work. Thank you for your friendship, your support, and for being such an inspiration to me on a daily basis! Love and blessings always, Alexis

  20. bocasinglescoach said,

    December 25, 2009 at 3:27 pm

    ‘….One of the first steps in reclaiming your personal power is letting go of your dependence on the approval and acceptance of other people. In my opinion, this may be the hardest accomplishment of all, and yet I suspect it’s the most crucial….’

    This part really what it comes down to; thank you for a heartfelt article,


    • successdiva said,

      January 7, 2010 at 4:54 am

      Thank you, Ben! I’m delighted that my article impressed you so much. Love and blessings, Alexis

  21. Chris Bryant said,

    December 26, 2009 at 3:26 pm

    Hello Alexis!

    Thank you for sharing your words of faith, hope, and love. I am grateful for your encouragement to lete go of my dependence on the approval and acceptance of other people.

    Chris Bryant

    • successdiva said,

      January 7, 2010 at 4:58 am

      Hello Chris! I appreciate your words of admiration so much. For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with being dependent on the approval and acceptance of others. However, as I help others let go of this need, I am also starting to detach myself from it. It is very liberating and empowering, too, and I look forward to seeing all that I’ll be able to accomplish once I completely release myself from the desire to please others and/or live up to their expectations of me. I hope you are having a beautiful New Year! Blessings and love, Alexis

  22. Alex Zanazanian said,

    December 27, 2009 at 7:40 pm

    Alexis – Thank you for a writing full of wisdom. You are a young lady who understands life and the completeness of it.Thank you for sharing your experience. We are the sum parts of all we encounter in life. Yes, we are able to think and generate thoughts and at times can’t turn them off through there persistence. The lies we believe seem to repetitively and control us humans. We need to speak to these lies of false belief and summon them to leave, and speak the truth to ourselves about the circumstances or situations. If we do not we will persist in whatever the untruth is and be trapped till as you pointed out we admit the truth to ourselves and set ourselves free.
    Alexis thank you again for your friendship and love. In this New Year may all you have dreamed and the visions you have had in the past that have not been fulfilled come to fruition this year and more. God Bless you, Diva Alexis. lol, Alex

    • successdiva said,

      January 7, 2010 at 4:53 am

      Alex, many thanks for your insightful feedback! Yes, I do understand quite a lot about life and its completeness, in addition to its complexities. Indeed, we are the sum parts of all that we encounter in life, which is one reason it is difficult for many people to move forward when they have had a lot of negative experiences to have to bounce back from. I like the Chinese proverb , “Fall seven times, stand up eight,” for I think it exemplifies the concept that life will always be a constant struggle, particularly for those who are willing to take risks and who are not satisfied with the status quo. I am very grateful for your friendship and love as well, Alex. And, I send you beautiful thoughts of abundant blessings for the New Year. Love, Alexis

  23. Jill Amoni said,

    January 3, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    Alexis…..I ended up here after being curious because of the number of mutual friends we have on Facebook. Not only are you a great thinker, your ability to convey your thoughts in a way that is easy to understand is remarkable. One word….Brilliant… are a woman who has discovered much in life….not the least of which is the power capable of being harnessed through ownership of our lives and thoughts. Your responsiveness to the commenters here demonstrates your angelic heart….that you take the time. Happy New Year to you….you are an inspiration!

    • successdiva said,

      January 7, 2010 at 4:48 am

      Jill, thank you so much for your glowing words of appreciation!!! I would love to connect with you at Facebook. Moreoever, I am overwhelmed by your praise, and I’m delighted that my article, “Reclaim Your Power,” inspired you so much. Love and blessings, Alexis

  24. Cliff Perry said,

    January 8, 2010 at 1:22 am

    Very Worthy thoughts put well and precisely as always. As like minds, it’s laughably unsurprising we have been drawn together. 🙂

  25. February 24, 2010 at 10:29 pm

    Dear Alexis,
    Thank you for living a comment.I am sorry for the delay in responding to you.Love to have you write an article on my Blog.
    Love your posts.They mean a lot to me!Feeds my soul.
    All the best;
    Adriana Sassoon

    • Alexis Wingate said,

      February 28, 2010 at 3:07 am

      My beautiful Adriana, never worry about delays!! What is important is that my words have had such a positive and wondrous impact upon you!! Thank you for your praise. . .for being Extraordinary You. . .and for coming into my life!! I am so happy our paths have crossed, and it would be a pleasure to write an article on your blog. I will be in touch!!
      Love and blessings, Alexis

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