Free yourself!

believe173 (bird flying)As I’ve said many times before, life is a series of peaks and valleys, and what can seem like the most difficult thing in the world is holding onto the idea that there is still a mountain to climb when we feel as if we’re sinking deeper and deeper into the quicksand of despair. It’s not always easy to convince ourselves that changing our life is really as simple as changing our thoughts, and, to a certain extent, it is a bit more complicated than that. We must combine actions with our thoughts to design a life that will bring us ultimate fulfillment.  When these two things match up–deeds and thoughts–in a way that is positive and effective, miraculous events actually do take place.

Those who are skeptical are reluctant to believe in miracles, and you don’t actually have to subscribe to that belief in order to bring into your life blessings that seem like miracles. One thing that keeps us from engaging fully in life is the fact that we set definitive limits on ourselves and our abilities, whether we realize it or not. These limits shape our thoughts, and those thoughts, in turn, determine our actions.  It may be daunting to think about the fact that what you’re doing on a daily basis right now is going to have a significant impact on the way your life turns out, but day-to-day living has a much greater influence on our destiny than we want to admit.

If, for example, you’re holding onto toxic energy connected with past experiences or your own fears and doubts about yourself, the life force within you will never be able to free itself, which means that you will always live in a prison of your own creation. I’ve spoken before about getting outside the box, but that concept can be explored even more profoundly. It isn’t just a “box” that we put ourselves in–it’s actually a prison. After all, some boxes can be unlocked and opened. But when you’re in a prison, you’re kept away from the outside world by bars and locks. Ironically, many people consider that they have a realistic view of the world and human nature when they allow themselves to think the worst of everyone they meet, rather than allowing themselves to continue to trust. Living can be experienced richly on a very instinctual basis, but,  when those instincts are wrong or clouded by subjective reasoning, it’s beneficial to begin examining things more analytically and less instinctively. Is it realistic to think that you can never achieve anything just because you have had disappointing results thus far? Realism and faith may seem antithetical, but, in an ideal scenario, the two should work hand in hand like two ingredients in a recipe that never fails to produce outstanding results. Does that make sense?

Realism is not and never has been the same as pessimism. George Lucas, the well-known film producer of such movies as Star Wars and Return of the Jedi has confessed that he is a cynic. At the same time, he also says that he is an optimist who has never let himself be hampered by the critics or by those who have told him that his dreams couldn’t come true. Perhaps, the fact that Lucas was at one time a race car driver demonstrates that he had the inherent spirit of a risk-taker. To take risks demands a tremendous amount of courage, not merely because it’s so hard to have complete faith in ourselves but because there are always those naysayers around us who will tell us what we “cannot” do. Since Star Wars was such a groundbreaking movie, it only stands to reason that plenty of narrow-minded people told Lucas that it was an impossibility, before he got the project off the ground.  Had Lucas not been such a big dreamer and had he not had an enormous amount of confidence in his dreams, he would not be the household name that he is today.

There is little doubt that the surest way to accomplish any dream, big or small, is to visualize its completion from the beginning.  For one thing, our minds generally cannot tell the difference between something that we strongly imagine and that which actually transpires. Wayne Dyer, the self-development expert whose books and audio programs have sold millions of copies around the world, says that the the only way to see any sort of transformation in our lives is to believe in it before we see it. At the root of visualization is will-power. We must be willing to visualize ourselves accomplishing that which we aspire towards. We have to make a conscious choice to engage in visualization, casting aside any misplaced ideas we may have about such concepts being nothing more than funky New Age ideas. Regrettably, some people are so quick to label anything that they don’t understand fully as being “weird” that they close themselves off from strategies that could make a world of difference in their lives.

Labels–in regard to people, ideas, and life itself–are something I would urge everyone to dispense of. For like deeply ingrained prejudices, labels have a way of narrowing your own way of thinking, even if you mistakenly believe that you’re only applying them to someone else. Once  you begin to label things,  you will find that you’re closing windows and doors of your world that might have offered you interesting and perhaps even life-changing experiences. It’s one thing to make wise choices and use sound judgment, but labels are unnecesary and only serve to foster a limited belief system. And, there are certain labels that can destroy others and corrupt the beauty of your own soul. Such words as “fat”,” stupid”, and “ugly” should be permanently removed from the vocabulary of anyone who wants to experience happiness or success over the course of their life. In a way, such labels are words of hate. And, as I said in my most recent post, “Cultivate your Garden,” destructive emotions are like weeds in your garden. No matter how beautiful your flowers may be, if you grow an abundance of weeds the blossoms will all be destroyed. For, just as dark clouds passing over the sky block out the sun, toxic emotions will seep into your heart, eventually leaving no oxygen to nourish love, kindness, compassion, or generosity. As surely as water quenches one’s thirst, a spirit of hate will also quench a spirit of love, and, even if you think that you can love and hate at the same time, I challenge you to examine whether or not you’re genuinely experiencing both of these emotions simultaneously.

When I was younger, I was someone who often spoke without thinking and allowed myself to give into outbursts of temper. Although I always felt depleted after getting angry, I failed to connect the fact that I was robbing myself of energy and power by letting such a destructive emotion overtake me. Those who get angry easily sometimes experience a false sense of power when they manage to intimidate others. True power, however, can never be had at the expense of others. If what you believe to be power comes from evoking fear in another person, it’s not really power at all. It is inherent weakness, stemming from a tarnished self-image and a lack of genuine self-assurance. Cowards are the ones who tyrannize and manipulate others. Courageous men and women are secure enough in themselves and their own capacities that they have no need to control anyone around them. When you think about Napoleon, the notorious onetime Emperor of France, even though you may admire his tenacity and determination, you have to admit that he did demonstrate a certain amount of cowardice. His ruthless desire for power without considering the needs of anyone else shows that he had a need to win at all costs simply to be important in his own eyes.

Do any of us really want to live that way? Do we want to be imprisoned by fears, doubts, and feelings of worthlessness? I tend to think that prisons we build for ourselves come in many different shapes and sizes. There are those that allow us room to reach our own goals, yet prevent us from considering the needs of those around us. And there are also prisons that force us to place limits on ourselves, thereby eliminating the possibility of us ever enjoying contentment on any level.  In order to be free, we have to let others have their freedom, too. That’s a lesson that isn’t learned overnight, but it’s one that will change everything about the lives of those who  haven’t yet learned it. When you free yourself, you free those around you, too. You realize that the only thing you can control and should control are your thoughts, opinions, and decisions. When you are completely free, you want to give others the freedom to be free, too, for you realize that the only way you will be able to sustain your freedom is if everyone else has freedom, too. There are situations in which it seems impossible to give another person that freedom that they deserve. For example, if you love someone and they don’t want to be with you, you may have to fight every fibre of your being to pull back and let them go. But, in not letting go of someone or something, you are putting yourself back in a prison and giving up your own freedom. Freedom cannot exist unless everyone is given the right to make their own choices and subscribe to their own belief systems.

The writer Dame Rebecca West was a woman who destroyed her ability to have any happiness in life because of her desire to imprison others in the cage of her own expectations. Although the heroines in much of her literature are liberated and free-spirited, West herself was unable to remove the gate around her heart in order to give unconditional love and acceptance to those who she cared for most. In her personal relationships, West thrived on the art of intimidation, for she wrongly believed that she could manipulate others into behaving in a way that conformed with her wishes by using the force of her will. Willpower may be a potent force, but the results it achieves sometimes come about at the expense of kindness and love. West was forced to be satisfied with the contentment she experienced through the success of her writing for even her son didn’t want to spend much time in her company. West’s objectives were achieved–yet she paid dearly for them.

It all comes down to the simple fact that there are consequences from every one of your actions. This is why you have to let go of destructive thinking patterns that include limiting beliefs about yourself and negative emotions towards others in order to be free–free in the truest sense of the word, like a bird that has been let out of its cage in order to fly. Don’t let another day go by in which you remain imprisoned in a web of false ideas and narrow-minded beliefs. Let go. . .free yourself and let the joy of your freedom be shared with everyone else!

Live with passion, enthusiasm, and courage. . .and make each moment matter!

Until soon,

Your Success Diva

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This page and all written material at the Success Diva pages is written by Alexis Wingate. All rights are reserved. (C) Copyright by Alexis Wingate. The Success Diva

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Capture your vision!

astronaut1It’s so easy to get caught up in the trap of day-to-day living, which essentially involves doing the things that are tasks, rather than pursuing our dreams. Is it not so? When you write down your daily to-do list  (or mentally think about it), don’t you notice that you’re focusing on a lot of activities that have little or no bearing on your ultimate desires? In other words, are you really working to create the life of your dreams every day? I know that I am guilty of letting myself get caught up in the struggle to do what has to be done in each 24-hour period. It’s frustrating but sometimes it seems inevitable. But, is it? Well, I think there’s no doubt about the fact that there are certain tasks that we must accomplish on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis. However, when we focus on just those things at the exclusion of the activities that would get us closer to the life of our dreams, this is when we start to feel pessimistic. Do you remember my mentioning the film, “Groundhog Day”? Do you recall my talking about how it sometimes seems as if the same day is virtually repeating itself over and over again? You see, I have felt like that too often not to completely relate to the concept. There have even been certain periods of my life in which I dreaded getting up in the morning because I was certain that I would simply be repeating the day I had just lived through. “Okay,” you say, “I get the point. But what I don’t see is how I can prevent myself from feeling this way.” Well, the only way you can prevent yourself from feeling this way is if you choose to see life from a specific vantage point. You must replace those thoughts of hopelessness and frustration with faith in yourself. The only way you will ever accomplish anything is if you see it as being completely within the realm of possibility. In other words, you must capture your vision. . .and you must hold onto that vision, no matter what.

Let me ask you: do you think an astronaut goes into space without first envisioning the trip in his/her mind? I would say not. Indeed, my guess would be that before an astronaut ever enters his/her space shuttle, he/she has visualized the endeavor in intricate detail. I would also imagine that many surgeons use visualization before they ever enter the operating room. Believe it or not, the mind often cannot distinguish between the things we do and the things we imagine that we do. This is why it’s essential that you begin to incorporate visualization into your daily routine. It’s particularly effective if you tend to get nervous or anxious easily. To envision that you complete a task successfully prior to beginning it will automatically give you a sense of self-assurance. And this self-assurance will make it extremely likely that you’ll accomplish whatever it is you want or need to do. When I was a stage actress, I used to envision myself making a fabulous impression at an auditon before I ever arrived there. Did this mean I necessarily got the role I was auditioning for? Of course, it didn’t. But what it did do was prevent me from letting my confidence be eroded by stage fright or feelings that I wasn’t experienced and/or talented enough to be cast in the part I was up for. Sometimes, we have to coach ourselves, you know. If we wait around for someone else to tell us that we have what it takes to achieve success in our chosen career, we may find that a lot of opportunities come our way that we fail to seize. It was the legendary singer, Janis Joplin, who once said, “Don’t compromise yourself. You’re all you’ve got.” And, you know what? To a certain extent, I think she’s right. Although I will always declare that I wouldn’t be half the diva I am without my fans and friends supporting me and offering me words of encouragement, I know that, if I stop believing in myself, no matter who else believes in me, it won’t matter much. Your psyche responds in a certain way to the image you hold in your mind of the person you are.  You cannot deceive yourself. If you are frequently allowing yourself to focus on thoughts of worthlessness and self-doubt, you aren’t going to ever be able to use most of your potential. I use the word “most” because there are very few of us who will ever use all of our potential. We are amazing, complex creatures, and it’s rare that any of us will ever understand all that we’re truly capable of accomplishing over the course of a lifetime.  We are actually consistently limiting ourselves. It isn’t that we lack the talent, intelligence or social skills to make great things happen in our lives. Rather, it’s that we’ve attached ourselves, body and soul, to a self-limiting belief system. Whether we are aware of it or not, we let ourselves absorb the negative energy that other people around us are nourishing themselves with. Rarely do we take the time to create a psychological barrier between ourselves and these self-destructive individuals, and because we fail to do this, we end up letting other peoples’ ways of thinking control the way we think. I know it may not be easy to accept this idea, but I assure you, it’s true. And, with years of being conditioned by the pessimistic thought patterns that are handed over to us and passed down to us by friends, family members, and acquaintances, we eventually get to the point where we feel like our chance of ultimate success is practically impossible. How can I speak with such authority on this subject? Well, I was raised with a father who believed that girls were intrinsically less valuable than boys, and, in spite of doing my best to eliminate this toxic viewpoint from my world, my father’s words and ideas seeped into my system and poisoned my blood. Yes, I still do have to convince myself that women are capable of accomplishing remarkable and incredible things. Although I am dedicated to not being controlled by the erroneous views that my father tried to impart to me, it is nevertheless a struggle to have an enormous amount of faith in myself. I remember reading about the actress Candice Bergen, and how she battled her feelings of rejection from her father for a number of years. When she was a teenager, Candice’s father, the famous ventriloquist, Edgar Bergen, made Candace feel that she was unattractive simply because she didn’t have a curvy figure. In later life, Candice has spoken candidly about the self-esteem issues that came about as a direct result of her father’s rejection of her and her appearance. And yet, when we look at Candice in such classic films as “Gandhi,” “The Wind and the Lion,” and “Starting Over,” for which she was nominated for a Best Supporting Actress Oscar, it’s not easy to believe that anyone would have ever thought she was anything less than beautiful. In fact, she bears a striking resemblance to one of the classic sex symbols of the 1980s, actress Kim Basinger. And, oddly enough, Basinger also struggled with a lack of self-acceptance. In fact, she made the erotic film ,”9 1/2 weeks”, mostly to please the man she was married to at the time, whose approval Basinger desperately wanted. Do you see what happens when you depend upon other people to make you feel as if you are worthwhile?? This brings me back to what I said in one of my most recent posts about establishing a genuine sense of self-worth. But you must go beyond that if you want to live the life of your dreams. You must actually create a vision of your ideal life and sustain that vision no matter how many obstacles come your way. The only person who can hold you back in the long run is yourself. It may be easier to blame other people or various circumstances for the fact that you don’t achieve your goals, but unless you are fully prepared to acknowledge the role you played in not making your dreams a reality, you will not succeed. Yes, the psychological and emotional scars that are inflicted upon us at the most vulnerable times of our lives may not ever completely heal. However, continuing to blame those scars for the fact that we haven’t done more with our lives will only hinder us. In fact, in blaming the scars for our lack of success, we are really giving power to those persons or events that caused the scars in the first place. Am I making sense? I wish I didn’t feel like I had to keep re-iterating these things, but, if I don’t repeat important concepts, there is no way I’ll be able to help you eliminate the thought patterns that are preventing you from finding happiness and fulfillment right now. Every day, this diva works to erase the carefully installed negative conditioning of the past. Sometimes I feel like my mind is a computer, and I am constantly having to re-program it to think in a way that will make it possible for me to be the success diva of my dreams. The good news is that the more committed you are to the task, the easier it will become. So, even if you feel that you are fighting an uphill battle at first, as time passes, you will find that your mind is starting to work with you. Rather than having to force yourself to think differently, you’ll find that any negative ideas you have about yourself will be easily replaced with positive ideas. Now, I’m not going to predict how long it might take for this change to take place. For all I know, it could take a year, two years, or even five years. But those years will pass even if you keep your old, poisonous thought patterns. So, you might as well do yourself a favor and make it possible for you to do something with all your talents and abilities, instead of sitting back and using phrases like “I wish” and “If only.” I’ll talk in future posts about the phrases we use on a daily basis that are automatically sending us down a tunnel of doubt, fear, and repression. For the moment, I urge you to pay attention to your thoughts. If you find it’s difficult to keep track of the toxic thoughts you’re having about yourself, those around you, and your life, keep a tablet or some notepaper and a pen or pencil nearby and start writing down your thoughts. You don’t have to write your thoughts down often, but you should at least check in with yourself a couple of a times a day, preferably when you’re feeling especially miserable or unhappy. When you see that you’re having thoughts that involve feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness, address them immediately. Don’t let them take up residence in your mind like a teabag, steeping in a cup of hot water. If you don’t work to eliminate the destructive thought as soon as you’re aware of them, they’ll have a chance to start poisoning your system. Before you know it, you’ll be psychologically ill, and you’ll have lost nearly all your confidence in your ability to do anything that you consider worthwhile.

So, to sum up Success Diva’s input and suggestions, let’s re-visit the subject of your personal vision. As I said of earlier in this post, an astronaut or a surgeon or anyone else who is going to perform a major task scracely starts that activity without visualizing in their mind what how they’re going to go about it. You need to have a definite idea of what you are going to do, how you are going to do it, and why it’s essential that you do it. This means you must come up with a what, a why, and a how. That sounds pretty easy, doesn’t it? However, some of you may be prepared to tell me that there isn’t a specific reason for why you do many of the things you do. If this is the case, then why are you even reading Success Diva’s blog? I think you are wanting to live your life on purpose, rather than by default. I believe that’s why you’re here. And if you make up your mind to capture your vision, I have complete confidence in the fact that you will one day have not only the life of your dreams but maybe even a life that exceeds anything you could have ever dreamed of. 

I hope you will make each minute of this day matter and that you will start replacing doubt with faith and feelings of apathy with passion and enthusiasm! Only you can capture your vision. No one, including your diva, can do it for you.

Until soon,

Your Success Diva

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This page and all written material at The Success Diva pages is written by Alexis Wingate. All rights are reserved. (C) Copyright by Alexis Wingate. The Success Diva